If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I AM VODKA MAN
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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