Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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