Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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