It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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