Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
