Farmville is her only friend.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
