just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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