my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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