there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
