Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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