Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize