loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
