my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
