y did u give ur computer a hand job?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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