fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
