my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
