Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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