It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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