i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
