drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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