there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
