Define "chronic" masturbator.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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