I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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