just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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