im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
