I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
