I think I died a long time ago.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
