i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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