is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
