Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
