So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
