Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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