I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
