let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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