I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
