oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I have fence marks all over my body
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
