I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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