hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
