do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
