3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
