I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
