He is an equal opportunity slut.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize