I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
