i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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