Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize