I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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