fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
