I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
