you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
