even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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