oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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