Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
