time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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