Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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