This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
