just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's shark week go big or go home
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dick very happy bro
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