Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
