So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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