I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
