I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
