I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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