i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
