Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
