is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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