you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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