Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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