Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
