i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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