Got a toothbrush?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
