Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
